Venus: The Dark Side--Female Sociopaths (Part III)

"The most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy."

A question--how much of this striking excerpt rings true for you?

There are male sociopaths and there are female sociopaths, but female sociopaths are rarely discussed.

 In Venus: The Dark Side, authors Roy Sheppard and Mary T Cleary discuss this important subject in depth. Sheppard and Cleary write:

"These women want to create the illusion of intimacy quickly and are prepared to take short-cuts. They are full-on and their friendliness positively gushes. They often smile too much, but with their teeth, not their eyes. The woman will say all the right things and appear keen to be seen to make plans with you, but it’s a ploy to gain your affection quickly and hook you in.

"She will seem very loving and capable of intimacy and will pretend to care. However the intimacy, depth and commitment are illusions. They merely enable her to collect what she wants. Her true colors show only when all other tactics fail.

"She’s quite happy to steal her best friend’s boyfriend. It’s a great way to prove she has what it takes to be desirable, and simultaneously to prove the shallowness of the man and the delusion of her friend.

"The picture is emerging of a woman who must get what she desires at all costs and must always be right. Sometimes she will deliberately claim to misunderstand something to justify doing what she wants, even though she knows it is against your wishes. She may cause problems just to attract attention to herself, because she likes to feel important.

"Creating self-doubt in her victims’ minds is an integral part of her approach. She plays on their reasonableness to give her the benefit of any doubts they may have. She knows that reasonable people don’t like to think badly of others and will often beat themselves up for thinking uncharitable thoughts. She always sounds so convincing. Her approach is intended to make you question whether you were correct in your thoughts about her. It slows you down. It’s meant to.

"Martha Stout, author of The Sociopath Next Door says, 'The most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy.'

"This is a key point. If you take only one message from this book, make it this one. She is probably brilliant at eliciting pity and knows precisely how to do it.

She may have learned these skills from a young age. Treated like a little princess by her father, she learns to wrap him (and others) around her finger. By learning to get her own way, she perfects the illusion of appearing fragile. She is anything but....

"She also appears so wonderful, sweet and demure, as if butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. Of course, she is a chameleon, capable of becoming exactly who her victim needs her to be.

"She is meticulously turned out, expertly masking her inner personality cracks with flawless make-up, perfect hair and an extensive wardrobe, often paid for by past boyfriends. She may have learned to cover up who she really is by appearing confident and self-assured. Yet underneath this confident and highly manicured exterior may lie an insecure, inadequate and ultra-needy woman.

"How dysfunctional is the rest of her family? If she looks like the only sane one, she may be the only one who has managed to cover it up!

"The disguise is so good that nobody would ever suspect that she could do anything unscrupulous. Beware the woman who flatters without offering sincere compliments. Flattery has been described as ‘counterfeit charm’ and is usually a little over the top. She’s probably setting you up to make demands on you or to manipulate you in some other way.

"She holds grudges too. Her revenge and retribution can be savage and harsh. Surprise is her weapon. Expect the worst, then double it.

"This woman doesn’t think twice about destroying the reputations, health and well-being or the livelihood of others if they represent obstacles to getting what she wants. She’s the sort who will force you to get down on bended knee to beg forgiveness and then take delight in saying 'No'. She makes you feel bad to ‘keep you on your toes’.

"Such women will not be happy until they have ripped the very heart and soul out of their victim. Even then, there is no guarantee they will be any happier. Sadly, most men ignore what their gut instinct is trying to tell them about her, because they think she wants them."

Also see Venus: The Dark Side--Female Sociopaths (Part I) and Venus: The Dark Side--Female Sociopaths (Part II)